merry merry xmas!

 i really want to do a long post, but i doubt i can, since i’m rushing for time. managed to upload A FEW pictures so you guys won’t be so sick of reading text text and more text everytime. HAHA. can see my very pretty face now!

ayeee. anyway, my hits go drastically high everytime i blog depressing stuff. can you tell me why? damn sad hor.

it’s gonna be half day tomorrow, company lunch & gift exchange, then perhaps a movie with fatbear and his friends, crashing Hotel Re! for stayover on the same night with xmas feast of turkey, sashimi, icecream and whatsnot. MAYBE i’ll not stayover because i’m absolutely exhausted. one day leave from the office, and i return back with more shit to clear. it’s amazing i tell you. even magic also not so amazing.

currently, i’m in the office (still) on the eve of eve and blogging, waiting for fatbear to pick me up before heading to holland v for dinner meal with his badminton khakis. heard that they want to take a look at me. bad timing though. i look like i’m 100 years old wtf.

SOOOOO, I GOT A BLACKBERRY FOR MYSELF. it’s not a company one–so i fulfilled my wish! yayys. gonna pay for the data plan myself. but it feel freaking liberating to be connected everywhere and on the go (not to check office emails CHOY!). Facebooking and twittering is no problemo. i can even surf and download useless apps into my BB just for the sake of it. i need more BB pin buddies though.

that’s just out of the box and charging. been using it for about a week? loving it still. (:

random days with fatbear. please note that many of the pictures are wayyyy outdated. zzz.

made fatbear buy the shoes! nice! (:

oops, posing with my show’s exhibits. (:

lunch one day after going on-site to settle stuff. at Hot Stones. yummy awesomeness but can never finish off the entire meal. wagyu beef is heaven.

in the office…

ok gotta run. will post more pics soon. miss me! i know you will! (:

MERRY XMAS TO ALLLL! may you all receive many many presents!

thanks to those who have given me presents (designers and PR agency and fatbear big sis) and those who have YET to, but are going to! ((((:

HAHA super annoying ads.

I saw some really annoying ads but amazingly quite accurate. HAHA. So I thought I’ll just share them with you all. I think my readers are dropping drastically. Like stock market sia HAHAH.

Anyway, I’m very much alive and I will blog soon, if I’m not taken over by a monster called EXHAUSTION.

Are you guys in the holiday mood yet? I sure am. Finally, after MONTHS, I take my first LEAVE from the office. Next Monday 21st Dec 2009. Time to plan for something nice for our monthi-versary! <3 And I might just go to tuition on that day afterall. Moolahs are waving to me.

Miss me ok! Because I have many camwhore shots to be posted in my next post. HAHAHAH. Abit lag lah, since I’ve not blogged pictorially since 239284829108 years ago, it seems. ;(

forget. forgot. forgotten.

i’ve forgotten how to enjoy myself and have fun…at 22. i don’t know to feel sad, or not. i forgot what’s it like to meet up with friends, to chill, to talk, to shop. i forgot how the day looks like at 6pm. i only know very clearly how the night looks at 11pm.

is anyone working in a hell like mine? does anyone know? does anyone care? why do i feel so alone? the silence of the night only adds onto the cold.

i’ve forgotten to take pictures of what has been happening around me. too busy to whip out a camera. too busy caring about this and that and worrying about this and that. brain torn in several directions that sometimes i forget what i have to do. too busy maintaining expectations of people. too busy chasing people for things, to keep up with the deadlines pushed into my face. too busy making sure i keep my professionalism despite the irritating people i meet, and the lowly executive level i am at.

i’ve lost my brain. lost all senses.

i can ALMOST walk straight into two fighting stray dogs on the pavement AND not notice it. i didn’t hear the barking, the growling the snapping…until i was a few steps away from them. one large step and i would have trodded on one of the dog’s tail. fml seriously. i don’t know where my mind was.

every morning i wake up tired as hell, knowing that the day can only get tired-er, because tons of work can never be finished. every morning i wished i was on a holiday, somewhere exotic and somewhere where no one can contact me to tell me to do this and that. everyday i wake up, wishing so hard that one day i’ll be a rich taitai, and this life will not plague me anymore.

i always ask myself, and i ask fatbear…how long more can i hold onto?

is this a blessing in disguise? for a beginner to be thrown so many things of diverse nature to learn from scratch? every vendor i’ve met in my term here in the company has told me that they can see me years down the road–outstanding and having a place of my own. someone who knows her mind, knows what she wants in life. i’ve had people tell me with my qualifications, why in the hell am i here, where i am now???

are they sure? do i really know what i want? i’ve been tossed around like a sardine in the sea, and i frankly have no idea where i am now. not more than a lost fish in the ocean. too busy to truly think about my future. too tired to think far ahead of time.

never easy for one man to take up what 3 men can do, and have the expectations of your boss on your shoulders. can i drop and run? disappear for the day? who is indispensable? the truth is–no one is. in this day and age, everyone is replaceable.

so then, why do we fight so hard? why am i fighting so hard? do i have anything to prove? anyone to prove to?

no logic, no reason. i just need sleep. i need proper rest without my phone ringing non-stop. i need people to stop making things difficult for me. i need people to stop thinking i am a walking dictionary and english pro–because i am not!

i need to stop putting on masks and facade and staying strong, when my body, mind and soul is at the brink of breaking.

how long more? how long?

22…going on 23…feeling old and aged. why? i should be at the peak of my life now.

im a walking wreck. what a joke.

welcome to my life.

dead body.

you know how i usually eat minimally from Monday to Saturday because of work? sometimes i don’t even make up to one meal per day. totally screwed up body mechanism.

so Sunday is usually the day whereby my parents make it a point to stuff me with food. “eat this! eat that! eat more!” so left without much choice, i munch on the food i am given very moodily.

i don’t have much choice to run away from this because i usually sleep in on Sundays till noon time, approximately 1pm because the other 6 days of the week, i usually sleep about 4-5 hours per day.

then Sunday evening, i was stuffed with more food at fatbear’s.

by Sunday night, i was feeling sick from all the food.

i puked on Sunday midnight 12plus am–not long after i got home. not long after i undressed to take a bath. then with trembling legs, i went to the toilet bowl and lao-sai-ed. WTF.

lesson learnt: my gastric is bad. but my tummy cannot withstand huge intakes of food either. my body is dead.

being sick is no joke. especially when you have to work the next morning. tolong lah jielin’s body, tahan a bit more can! this isn’t the time to die.

woes of workaholism.

it’s 2:31am and i really should be sleeping because i need to wake up at 6:45am for work later. but my mind can’t stop whirling.

you know…how working sucks the energy out of me? i’m currently in a situation whereby i really don’t want to work so hard, but have not much of a choice. it’s not like i chose to be a workaholic. who would?

but the things i have for today, if i don’t clear by the day, i end up having to clear more things the next day. everyday, things keep piling up. and if i am not careful, i end up missing something out, which is worse, because i end up in shit after that.

for 7 days a week, almost 16 hours a day, i’m working.

events, they say.

what to do?

7 days a week, 16 hours a day, i lose myself. i have to be on the ball 24/7, be tough and strong to face all sorts of people. to settle problems. to negotiate on issues. to brainstorm about ideas. to decide about aesthetics. to handle investors (which totally sucks to the max out of all the things). to make sure everything follows the tight timeline. to bond relationships with vendors, media buyers, clients, and potential partners. to ensure i type coherently and in proper language. i craft up countless proposals for countless people. to be a slave. to make sure people work for me. to get the best prices. to save cost but not compromise on quality. to make things work out.

i have to be up there, almost all the time while i’m at work. no way for me to slack.

so everytime i get off work, i really just want to be me. to be just me. no need to withold fortresses. no need to withold my strength. no need to hide any flaws or weaknesses. no need to be politically nice and tolerate. no need to bargain. i just want to be me. simple. i want things to go my way.

only because it’s me time.

and i want love and care and concern. i just want people to tell me they still love me.

i want fatbear to tell me things i want to hear. i want fatbear to know what i am thinking without me having to speak too much. i want fatbear to understand.

not to argue. not to pick fights.
who would want that?

but fatbear has his own work life to handle. his own family to take care of. his own friends to mingle around.

it seems like i’m the only one without a life.

how can i request for more? a soul who has no value; a soul whose words has no meaning.

how can i not…question the true meaning of my existence?

maybe i don’t deserve what i have now.

maybe i just don’t deserve anything.

maybe that’s why you treat me this way. and maybe that’s why you never seem to know how i feel or what i think.

my colleagues get to go home to their family. HOME. with their loved ones; people there for them.

i go home everynight too. to darkness. no one who cares that much. no one who bothers anything about whatever that happens to me.

i’m like a ghost floating. a soul wandering. a speck of dust in the air.

meaningless. nothingness.

that can only be me. what else can i be?

rainbows and cows.

don’t ask me about my title. it’s completely random.

feeling tight and edgy and getting numbed to the exhaustion. i think my body is so warped missing periods is like….the norm? which is fucking bad. because i think i’m going to die soon.

indication that i am going to die soon:

1) colleagues at least 10 years older than me have blood pressure that states “OPTIMAL”. mine? “NORMAL”. FML. i swear i will die young lor.
2) my body’s metabolism is dead. SERIOUSLY. eat or don’t eat, same weight. exercise or don’t exercise, same weight. don’t know should i say fml or wtf.
3) my skin is like volcano. pimples pimples pimplesss! =( hatessss.
4) wrinkles at age 22 no less. i feel sad for myself.
5) no social life whatsoever. unless meeting corporates, clients, investors and vendors are counted.
6) my exhibition www.thebodyshow.com.sg is at Clarke Quay, but i’ve only been to the restaurant there once. sign that my life is not worth living. wtf.
7) i forgot that i own a camera and i stopped taking pictures because i forgot. no pictures for blog! omg, please don’t stop loving me.

ok. moomoo. i need the rainbows. because i need to know what am i living for. i need to know something i don’t already know. i need to know why all these are happening on me. i need to know the path i should follow, the people i should trust, the career i should take. i need to know, WHY.

even if some questions have no answers; at least let mine have one.

stars and celebrities and glitz and glamor.

HAHA.

ok, so i’m not really sane after all that mad rush working. been neglecting my health, sleeping 2 hours out of 48 hours, going into coma for 12 hours periods AFTER all the sleepless nights working. but the little adrenalin i get from work–meeting stars and celebs. makes me feel small. apart from meeing all the people behind the large corporations, it’s really an incentive to people them upclose and personal, get to talk to them, shake hands with them, and even take pictures! not on a “fans” per se, but business and solely for events!

so….about a month ago, i met with justin ong from Muttons from the midnight show on 98.7FM….last friday, i met with daniel ong from 98.7FM who did my live roving reports on 98.7FM for The Body Show. and he brought along his wife–jamie teo!!! WHO IS LIKE CRAZY PRETTY even though she is 5 months (i think) pregnant! omggg. and she’s super niceeee. although daniel ong wasn’t very friendly when he spoke to me, slightly aloof, but i think maybe he’s concerned about his wife’s well-being. he even waited patiently outside the female toilets for jamie to finish her business! so sweet can!

andddd, i really can’t wait to see more stars/celebs blahblah. ya lah. it’s not cos’ i’m noob or what, but seriously, meeting for entertainment purposes is one thing. but talking on a business basis is entirely different!

ok, so tomorrow, i have a meeting in office with clicknetwork tv as well as xiaxue from xiaxue.blogspot.com to discuss on more details regarding our collaboration for The Body Show. please watch out for this space to find out more!

SUPPORT THE BODY SHOW!!!

really, everything is kinda exciting and interesting. even though i probably killed most of my brain cells by now.

-grins-

new friend of xiaohuang.

apart from being mad crazy busy, i’m still alive. thanks. just to give one picture post to show that the love hasn’t been lost. just time never enough to blog. introducing xiaohuang’s new friend who is not as innocent as the rest like heiqing and dian dian…

 

DA TOU…..

As per derived from the name, you can tell that it’s because his head is bigger than his body. tsk. in fact, he can’t sit on his butt on flat surfaces eg. table! but his head can “sit” on the table no problemo! HAHA.

anyway it looks really annoying, but i’ll have to LEARN to love it all the same because it’s a surprise gift from fatbear for me just after i returned from my KL trip. HAHA.

ok till then! let me stay strong! =(

ageing and withering.

funny how the irony is.
sleep lost is equivalent to experience gained.
for the less than 1 year i’ve been holding this job, i’ve learnt so many things i’ll never learn if i had never taken this up. neither will i be given the opportunity to travel twice in less than 1 year for business purposes (no matter how shit tired it can be). nor will i meet all the people who are “up there”, see people from the media, the papers, the magazines, have friends from singapore and overseas and have people listen to you talk.

i’m only a fresh graduate, and sometimes i’m thankful for the chances i have been offered on this job. but chances are chances, opportunities are opportunities. i am exhausted to the max at times, wanting to do nothing but give up. it’s just too tiring to fight on. but there is only one way up, and no way down. even if we were to lose the battle, we die trying. yes?

thanks to all who’ve shown their concern and asking me to take care and grab more rest. totally appreciated. (: you won’t imagine the simple joy and relief i get whenever i get to log onto facebook to update my status and see little notes left by people around me.

sure, i am guilty of neglecting friends. i am trying hard. but i am not succeeding much.

even when i am supposed to be a degree holder of communications, sometimes, i think my communication skills suck. wtf.

in any case, i am REALLY sleepy now, with only 2 hours rest before rushing out to work earlier in the day. at least the press conference was ok. not the best, but i’ve learnt to watch out for certain things and what to do to avoid them in the future. learning is always the hard part. because we learn only from mistakes.

many thanks to those who made this possible.

now. let me take some shut eye (got granted early leave for the entire company after the press conference ended at 3plus) before i start battling the Official Opening this Friday.

it can only be madness and havoc.

let everything go well. PLEASE. (:

The Body Show–Straits Times Life!

Finished your exams? Not sure what to do during your holidays? Heading to City Centre in Singapore for some partying?

Why not gather your friends and head down to the next big thing at Clarke Quay, Singapore: THE BODY SHOW?

Book your tickets now and receive 1 free mug (worth $14.90) per ticket! It’s gonna be $20 for adults and $15 for children (3-12 yrs). Going with your family? For 2 adults and 2 children, it will only cost you $60!

If you are one of my lucky friends who booked the tickets earlier, you would have received 1 free t-shirt worth $29.90 per ticket! But fret not, the mug is also exclusively designed by the designers working on The Body Show–all limited edition!

The show will run from 27th November 2009 to 22nd Feb 2010. Opening hours? 10am to 10pm–No need to worry if you finish work late! Pop down to Clarke Quay to meet your friends, experience the eye-opening walk through of the exhibition, then go party the night away! =D Convenience is at your fingertips!

Want to know how your insides look like? Want to know how does a breast cancer look like inside your breast? Want to see a smoker’s lung? Want to compare that with a healthy lung? Want to see how colon cancer looks like? Want to see a skeletal exhibit in various poses; be in sports, sitting, dancing, leisure?

These are REAL human bodies exhibits. GO SEE THEM BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Pssst: Come for the Official Opening on the 27th Nov 2009 from around 4pm to 7pm and hold your breath because you’ll expect to see so much more happening outside the exhibition itself! Official Radio Station 98.7FM will be doing their Live Roving Reports on-site, with Daniel Ong as the DJ who will be there personally!

More updates will be on the way for The Body Show! Stay tuned to this space and find out more everyday! =D

WHY WAIT? GO BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW!!!!!

www.tdc.sg to book your tickets.

www.thebodyshow.com.sg for more details.

OR you could just call 6746 5550 if you have any further queries!